Blogging is terrifying.
I was telling a few of my friends the other day about how terrifying blogging can be.
I was explaining my fear of meeting a stranger and them automatically thinking they know everything about me before I get to explain myself in person.
Then my friend responds, “uhh.. isn’t that the point of a blog?”
Shoot. Yep. She got me.
I guess it is the point because literally ANYONE can read this thing.
I read this woman’s blog and once I saw her in real life. I felt like she was a celebrity or something. I just stared at her from across the room, like a legit creeper. She was with her children (who I know the names of and their ages and what they like to do for fun and what the theme of their birthday party was…CREEPY)
She even inspired me to take blogging seriously and so I emailed her a few questions and she never responded. SO she must be an actual celebrity.
I think I know this woman because on her blog she is vulnerable. She talks about actual life.
She talks about having hard feelings towards her son’s teacher and having to break down her judgments.
She talks about how she fails as a mom and how she and her husband went through an intense affair.
She talks about life and I guess if no one else is going to, a blog is a pretty darn good place to be vulnerable.
My brother is actually obsessed with vulnerability. No lie, as I am writing this he is at a debate tournament giving a speech on vulnerability. (Most of what I am about to say I stole from the speech he wrote.)
I’m obsessed with chocolate chip cookies like he is with vulnerability.
Because ultimately vulnerability is the guide to true connection and community.
(next month he is going to write a guest post on connection because he is much better at explaining this than I am.)
However, Austin (my brother) is only obsessed with connection and vulnerability because of Brené Brown (and Jesus.) She is an American scholar, author, and public speaker who has a book sitting by my bed that hasn’t been opened yet called “Daring Greatly”
Mrs. Brown and Austin talk about how we are shameful because we fear rejection. We fear that we will be unworthy of connection.
I put up stupid things on social media so that people will like me.
I spend too much money on clothes so that I seem “hip”
I am also terrified people will think I’m stupid after reading this website.
I do stupid things because I am shameful and I’m scared to tell you about them because I don’t want to be rejected.
Now, I haven’t read Mrs. Brown’s book, but I do know (from Austin) that being vulnerable is at the core of shame, fear, and our struggle for worth, it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, love, and belonging.
I think I am still figuring out what true vulnerability looks like, but I guess I am going to start here because I shouldn’t mind if a stranger knows a bit too much about me. Stories are powerful and joy, creativity, love and belonging change lives.
I’m all about that.
I’m also about loving people better, and according to C.S. Lewis, vulnerability is a guide to love.
The Four Loves, CS Lewis
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
This is Austin’s head crushing my head. He will probably be mad I’m posting this but no need to be shameful, right?
Here’s my heart, Lord.